Pet Forum / Mammals / Rabbits / July 2008

What a shame.  :(

Ronie

THIS IS KRIS'S RESPONCE ..........on her so called rabbit group

Hi guys,
   Not ignoring you, but I just wanted to let you know I'm not
feeling up to much (but of course this "short" update turned into a
huge monologue).  My mom flew down very suddenly on Sunday to help
care for me and the bunnies, and I've been basically useless since. I
didn't get paid for this weekend, since I am out of sick/vacation/comp/
holiday time, so I'm not even going to make my rent payment. :-(  It's
been a hard road being sick, and it's not over. I basically have to go
back to work tomorrow or I may risk loosing my job, which obviously I
worked long and hard to get. Everyone there loves me, and has been
very supportive and understanding of Crohn's and the chronic stomach/
colon/digestive problems, and despite being embarrassing and draining,
I'm slowly getting through it. I've never slept so much, eaten so
little and been in so much pain in my life. Thanks so much to everyone
who has called when I was in the hospital, who has emailed, imed,
txt'd, etc to see how I'm doing. I'm truly sorry if i seemed to be
rushing off the phone or too tired to talk.

   I'm not sure what's going to happen, but if I work these next two
nights (wed/thur), I have three more off before I need to worry about
much. The idea of putting that heavy thick vest, that 27 lbs of gear,
the belt, etc back on and driving around saving the world all night
isn't very appealing, which saddens me hugely since I love my job more
than just about anything. It's so hard to keep loosing weight (I'm
down to 123) and I'm pasty and pale, and I feel weak and drained. No
one really understands what it's been like to go from doctor to
specialist, in and out of two hospitals three times in three weeks,
trying seventeen different medications and enduring everything from
enemas to colonoscopies, xrays, ct scans, throwing up, not being able
to get up, not being able to sit up. I've never had such a sore back,
and so much exhaustion that I could barely hold my head up. Oh, and
don't forget that I was dead for 2.5 minutes. I haven't forgotten it.

   I honestly got discharged from the last hospital in such agony
that I could not move or walk, was pushed into a cab, shipped home
sobbing uncontrollably, and the cab driver carried me to my front
door. I called my parents and told them that if my mom couldn't fly
down, right then, and take care of me, that I was just going to take
every last pill in the house because I simply couldn't take the pain
any more. I wish I could say the pain has gone down considerably, but
it's equivalent to that of someone driving a steak knife through my
left side over and over and over and over...

   In the same breath, I managed to anger my "so called" boyfriend so
badly (because he choose to spend every day at the lake, the beach, on
the boat, entertaining his and his ex wife's kids, not once stopping
by to see me or spending a second of time with me at the hospital)
that he and I will never speak again. While I was gone, and he so
boldly offered to stop by my house to care for the animals, he left
the carpet soiled from the dog who hadn't been able to get outside -
threw the dog crap in the kitchen trash to smell up the entire house,
and left several of the bunny cages just sitting open, and I found
three males (thank god) running around trying to kill each other when
I got home. I had to call my neighbor to come put them away b/c I
couldn't chase or pick up 3 lb rabbits. My "boyfriend" then informed
me that "we're not together, Kris", which I guess he'd decided
sometime over the last few weeks, because hell, who wants to be with a
girl who is sick, in pain, and miserable?  Much easier to just walk
away the second things get tough. Not much to be expected from a guy
who cheats on every girl he "dates" anyway... I guess that whole
"married" thing should have been a red flag, his most recent ex-wife
probably ended up the biggest winner in the whole deal. Sad.

  My second-in-command and most recent close friend took a break from
the rescue this week (with unfortunately poor timing for useless me)
and she's been with her visiting mother. Unfortunately, there's been
some clashing of the heads and she wants us to keep less fosters,
which at this point I can't argue with since I can't really manage the
rabbits I've got b/c of my physical condition. Fortunately I've got my
mom, and enough volunteers to get things going, I'm going to do
adoptions as often as possible (and spays/neuters) and try to get down
to a small number. Right now I care for about 37 bunnies at my place,
and I'd like to get down closer to 20-25 full time, especially b/c I
have a good feeling that my second-hand is going to move back up North
and I've relied on her far too much when she's going to end up leaving
after being so much help to me. Pretty devastating, but I can't expect
her to prioritize the rescue when she's having personal family issues
that run deeper. Rescue is harshly affected by the god-awful rotten
economy and cost of gas, and people just don't have anything to spare
right now. Like I said, it was the 1st today, my rent was due... and
now I'm going to be getting a very small partial paycheck since i'm
out of paid time. Not very encouraging.

 On top of all this, I just found out someone I've known for seven
years committed suicide after loosing his job in law enforcement. Now
don't get me wrong- I've never worked with the guy, and frankly,
wouldn't have wanted him as my supervisor, but when he had stripes,
and when he drove around in that patrol car, he always waved, was
always nice when he came into my Starbucks, and you hate to hear of
anyone's life ending - even though I can't say I blame him, and I can
understand. Without my job, which is everything I've ever wanted, I
can't imagine I'd have much to live for either.

 Anyway, that's it. That's all I can muscle putting onto the screen
right now. Nothing's good or great or even very tolerable here right
now. I still feel horrible, the medication can only do so much.
Nothing takes the pain away so much as the beautiful injection of the
white stuff they used to knock me out for the colonoscopy, and nothing
feels so blissful as that ten minutes of relief every time they pushed
that foul-tasting dilaudid into my veins every three hours in the
hospital. Those ten minutes of no spasms, no pain, just a warm wash of
relief are greatly missed. Without those escapes, I'm left here in the
real world, pretending like I'm able and capable, and not still in
that same agony. And there's no nurse to come take my pain away on a
regular schedule. There's just me, with the world and life, and my job
and my rescue going on all around me, while I nap on the couch and my
mom fills water bottles and does laundry in the background.

WHAT A SHOCKER, WE NEVER SAW THIS COMMING !!