Pet Forum / Miscellaneous / Animal Health / December 2006

Got to it first! We use it at our practice as well. Also watch for any
altered physical or behavior patterns in the next 24-36 hours. He'll be
pissed from the bath anyway, but any vomitting, elimination habit changes or
drooling should be reported to the vet ASAP.

That just goes to show that big possibilities exist for an inventor who
could create a truly safe washing device for a cat that was not
traumatic for the kitty.  The best you could hope to achieve would be
"only slightly traumatic" and you might get the cat into it once every
ten years which is about how often one might truly need to thoroughly
wash a cat.  Cats, unlike dogs, won't get into trouble with skunks and
hazardous materils more than once.  The device will have a cycle of
shampoo and scrub with a good rinse that can be repeated without
removing the cat.

Muffin still smells like gasoline.   I would wash again more thoroughly
but considering her fear I'd rather try something different. The vet
recommended dry shampoo, which we will pick up today and see if that
helps.  I'm wondering if rice starch would be safer; haven't checked
the ingredients.

That's known as the Canadian method.

Michael's response [to The Canadian Method]!

I think the Canadian method of cleaning a cat (in the commode) is pretty
good, but I really believe cats like warm water better.  So, I recommend
using the dish washer.  Just turn the heat down a bit.  My dishwasher
has two compartments for detergent and one compartment for a rinse
additive. So, depending on how dirty the cat is, I could use one or both
detergent, I mean "shampoo" compartments. And I could put conditioner in
the rinse additive compartment. I've never tried the drying feature: I
wouldn't want to cause split ends.

I think the best thing about using the dishwasher is that you can look
through that little window (if your dishwasher has one) and keep an eye
on your cat as it goes through the wash cycle! You can even make a
little video for the family video album! If your cat gets really dirty,
you might want to use the "Pot Scrubber" setting, and put "shampoo" in
both dishwashing detergent compartments.  

Cats are usually quite subdued right after their bath, but they don't
like to be kept waiting. Therefore, I recommend promptly removing them
from the dishwasher. That way, you can get their little harness back on
before they get bored and start thrashing about. Cats usually come out
rather damp, but a few minutes with the leaf blower solves that problem.
If your cat is a real team player, you can even clean off your sidewalk
while kitty gets dry.

Steve Martin used to say, "I love giving my cat a bath, but I get a lot
of hair on my tongue."  It's definitely no "Happy Meal"! If he used his
dishwasher, he'd have time to give his cat a bath everyday!

Someone suggested using a clothes washing machine. I responded:

Yes, using a washing machine is a pretty good cat cleaning method, but
it needs to be a top loading machine.  If you try to use a front loading
machine, the cat will often think its in an exercise machine--like
gerbils use--and it won't even try to get clean.  However, if you only
have a front loader, and if you want to see something really humorous,
just take a look, when the machine goes into the spin cycle! Kitty goes
from zero to 95 miles per hour, in only three seconds; and tops out
about 218 miles per hour!

Not only is this a sight to behold, it's also a treat for your listening
enjoyment!  Because of the Doppler effect, your cat will sound like a
kitty from space.  I made a recording of one cat.  The first time I
played it for some folks, they didn't recognize the sound. I explained
that it is the sound cats make when taking a bath in a clothes washer.
At first, they didn't believe me; but they do now!

Whenever I just don't have the time to clean a cat, I take it to a
nearby Laundromat. They have a "fluff and fold" service that just can't
be beat!

There is a saying about "There's more than one way to skin a cat?" There
is also more than one way to clean a cat! When I have more time, I'll
write about the dry cleaning method, with special "do-it-yourself"
instructions; and some really great tips on how to use your carper
extractor and upholstery cleaning tools to keep your cat sparkling
clean!  Always remember: a clean cat is a happy cat!
End-End-End

                       Cat Bathing as a Martial Art by Bud Herron

Some people say cats never have to be bathed.  They say cats lick
themselves clean.  They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in
their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt
where it hides and whisking it away.

I've spent most of my life believing this folklore.  Like most blind
believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the
kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that
cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.

The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look
squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and
announce:  "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."

When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some
advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm
and head for the bathtub:

--  Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack
of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.
Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield.  Don't try to
bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him.  Pick a
very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I
recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the
sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower.  (A simple
shower curtain will not do.  A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber
shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

--  Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the
skin from your body.  Your advantage here is that you are smart and know
how to dress to protect yourself.  I recommend canvas overalls tucked
into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army
helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

--  Prepare everything in advance.  There is no time to go out for a
towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket.  Draw the
water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass
enclosure.  Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on
your back in the water.

--  Use the element of surprise.  Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if
to simply carry him to his supper dish.  (Cats will not usually notice
your strange attire.  They have little or no interest in fashion as a
rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking
part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)

--  Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In
a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub
enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and
squirt him with shampoo.  You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds
of your life.

Cats have no handles.  Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the
problem is radically compounded.  Do not expect to hold on to him for
more than two or three seconds at a time.  When you have him, however,
you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like
crazy.  He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby
rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings,
so don't expect too much.)

--  Next, the cat must be dried.  Novice cat bathers always assume this
part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at
this point and the cat is just getting really determined.  In fact, the
drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's
because by now the cat is semi permanently affixed to your right leg.
You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and
wait.  (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top
of your army helmet.  If this happens, the best thing you can do is to
shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the
water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down
and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He
will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a
lot of time sitting with his back to you.  He might even become
psycho-ceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry.  This isn't usually the case.
As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and
injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at
least now he smells a lot better.

End-End-End

________________________
Whatever it takes.